By Nseabasi S. J. King
A friend in whom I was well pleased, who was coming back home to Nigeria asked me to make her a promise, and went further to ask for a guarantee.
I told her clearly without mincing words that there were no guarantees in life. And we never spoke again several years after that conversation.
We have all seen sunny days suddenly become cloudy, leaving in its wake a storm. On such days, people who had left home dry, had returned drenched with their shoes in their hands, and not anywhere near the foot.
Many times in life, it does not just rain, it pours. And who meets you at the door when you return home weather-beaten is why you are reading this.
In a telling tribute, Where Were They, I read through this insightful and assertive line, “Where were they, when you bathed with sweat in order that we may survive.”
While running around for my wedding, after I had decided to settle down of my own free will, a colleague shared his experience at a marriage counselling session, where he was asked if he had a job and what his salary was. Ordinarily, these were simple questions that he had ready answers unfazed. But that was not all.
He was later told that he must show proof that he has at least 5 pairs of trousers before he could proceed to tie the knot and kiss the bride. I tried to keep calm at this point and wait for him to finish, so I could ask the inevitable question. Why?
He was told that this was to ensure that they were well prepared and off to a good start. What can a few pairs of pants guarantee in life? I kept thinking. I really wanted to tell him that this was ridiculous.
What a disingenuous way to be prepared for marriage and the uncertainties of life that lie ahead. The dwindling fortunes of Job and his fair-weather partner kept coming to my mind.
I jettisoned the fabled literature of Job, and decided to tell him a true life story with verifiable names, faces and addresses.
A young banker from the central business district of VI, flew home, completed marriage counselling successfully and got married to his beautiful fiancée; a pastor’s daughter, in a very rich and colourful ceremony.
A few years down the line, fortunes changed, and the bank had to downsize. He lost his job. While he was still trying to find his feet again, the beautiful one packed her bags and returned his ring. Of interest, he still had more than 5 pairs of trousers in his closet and nobody ever slept on an empty stomach, but she left.
In the days of little beginnings, many unsung women have helped their struggling men to meet their daily obligations both at home and in the larger society. They never left.
Some of us would never know that in one of those low moments when things were not looking up, Mummy had secretly paid our school fees to Daddy, and Daddy as our breadwinner would then openly pay it to the school the next morning. These things happen when a man has found a helpmeet.
Magdalene Ubom Udoakpan, nee Obonukut, the departed widow of the legendary Ubom Ika is one of such rare gems that beautify the crown of a man who has found a wife and a treasure, “…and he receives favour from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22 NLT.
Young Magdalene held hands and set out with an orphan boy, who lost his father and breadwinner at the age of five (5), and struggled as a young adult to figure out how best to confront lack, conquer poverty, and put food on the table.
He was not one who could afford the luxury of 5 pairs of the trendy fashion items of his time, but she stayed and helped, till the one who could not bring bottled water to dinner started providing potable water to families and hospitals in and around Ika, Etim Ekpo and Ukanafun communities.
“It is the same you, Ubom Ika the Great, the conqueror of our time, the man of goodwill.
You conquered hunger by providing for orphans, widows and even the well-placed people,” excerpt from Where Were They by Eyakise Udoakpan, 2010.
I am known to be in the habit of always saying that, “Life is a choice, and for every choice there are consequences.”
There is this light-hearted story about Michelle and Barack Obama after they won the American presidency.
It is said that the couple decided to share a drink at an old regular bar back home in Chicago, and got served at the bar by an old friend of the new First Lady.
“If you had married him, you would’ve ended up being the wife of a bartender,” Obama teased.
“And if I had married him, he would have become the President of the United States by now,” Michelle responded.
The child whose fate hung in the balance when the cold hands of death took away his father and sent him out of the classroom, by the sheer hands of providence ended up as the proud father of a university teacher and professor of mathematics, Professor I. U. Udoakpan, his first gift from the womb of Magdalene.
In his speech at a convocation lecture as Chancellor of Ritman University, Nigeria’s Senate President, Chief Godswill Obot Akpabio, GCON, himself an orphan, told a story of how as a pupil he was chased out of the classroom because he owed fees, and how he returned as a governor years after to chase school pupils back into the classroom because he had paid their fees.
Two beautiful comeback stories with true legends at the centre. The kind of true life stories that slap differently and leave goose bumps on the skin, especially where the victim rises again from his ashes like the mythical phoenix.
For those of us who know very little about her, Mrs. Magdalene Udoakpan is the proud and lucky mother-in-law of a Minister, and for those of us who know a little more, she is our pride and the luck that we all ran into at various times in the course of our lives.
Mrs. Magdalene Ubom Udoakpan had paid her dues and earned her flowers, in every sense of it.
For emphasis, Magdalene is the goose that laid the golden eggs. She is the mother and chaperone to five (5) career women and university degree holders, who are currently doing exploits in education, fashion, and the public service.
Two promising young men, Otuekong Wilson Inyang and Ekperikpe Luke Ekpo, who fell in love and followed her daughters home, later rose in life at different times as her sons-in-law to preside over the affairs of government as Chairmen of Local Government Council. This is more than a coincidence. It is a Midas touch.
The Ubom couple share a history of deep devotion in the Holy Roman Catholic Church, played significant roles in Nigeria’s second Republic politics and held a sterling record of exploits in haulage, merchandise and commercial farming.
Minister of Finance , as Dennis Ubom Udoakpan Adua was fondly called by his peers in politics, was a financier and caucus member of the ruling party in the state at the advent of the Fourth Republic.
The Ubom Ika heritage is vast and a rich one. It is a compelling story that can only be told in a comprehensive book that tells it all for the unborn generation.
Like the dutiful mother hen, Magdalene hatched all her eggs and lost none to the prying hawk. She was caring, loving and kind; a mother for all seasons.
To her learned son and baby of the house, Barr. Obongunwana Ubom Udoakpan, please be comforted. Find solace in the truth that your mother’s job here on earth is done, and she left fulfilled because every one of you gave her a cause to smile.
To everyone; Prof. Itoro Ubom Udoakpan, Mr. Eyakise Ubom Udoakpan, Princess Aniema Ubom Udoakpan, Lady Esitmbom Ekperikpe Ekpo, Hon. Mrs. Emaedu Wilson Inyang, Mrs. Otobong Ubong Usoro, Mr. Anamofiok Ubom Udoakpan, Mrs. Ndifreke Benjamin Ajah, and Mrs. Kusuaitem Akaninyene Ukpanah, remember these things – the baton has been passed and the ball is now in your court, there is a legacy to preserve and a story to be told.
Do NOT let this light go out. It is now in your care.
As the curtains of time falls on an era, while we are gathered to bid farewell to a dear mother and matriarch, Mrs. Magdalene Ubom Udoakpan, on November 14, it is my prayer and a solemn one that as she is lowered, she will go down as a seed cast upon the earth, and as many begin to hear her compelling story of love, self sacrifice and tenacity, may more Magdalenes sprout forth and walk among the sons of men as a favour from the Lord. Amen!
Adieu, Mater Magdalena!
